I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
