If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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