Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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