I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
