Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
