forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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