she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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