god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
