how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
