A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
