Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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