I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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