You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
