Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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