Cold hands, warm shart.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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