Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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