Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
