it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
