next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
