Swine flu. Run for my life!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
