my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
