I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
