my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
