I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
