yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need a beard to bite.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
