i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
