i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't turn off my feet"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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