If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
