I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
