Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
