I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
