"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
