Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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