I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
