I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You pole danced in your parka.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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