I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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