so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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