I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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