Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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