can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dicks are not precious.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
