So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
