i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Your cock deserves a montage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
