me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I could fuck to npr.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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