the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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