you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
