Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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