I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
