Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
