i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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