Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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