I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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