Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
