the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
